reasons not to have a girlfriend...

...a new series.

every time i see a beautiful woman with a big rock on her finger giving me "the look," all i can think of is : "yeah right, you look at me like that right now, but the fact is you have a big rock on your finger because that's what you wanted, and if you really wanted me you probably could have had me...

...but i wait tables for a living; i drive a car with a busted window; i live in a dank, moldy, uncomfortable hole of an apartment...and you are fooling yourself if you are thinking right now that you would actually go for me. "

which is fine, ladies. i understand that. honestly, why would you waste your time with someone who can't give you what you really need, no matter how cute i >ahem< he is?

i'm sometimes tempted to begrudge your attitude. mostly because i don't come from money, i don't have money, and its a serious question whether or not i ever will. and its not so important to me. i don't need things i don't need. it seems somehow unfair that the lack of money can make me a less desirable companion for someone, despite the other, more important aspects of who i am.

on the other hand, i understand it: you want someone to be able to take you out, for drinks, for dinner, for anything fun -- and lets not kid ourselves, fun don't come cheap. i understand wanting to do fun things with your man, and wanting to have a man who can do fun things. its only natural.

i've had girlfriends i've adored. i would have given them everything they ever wanted. they were not demanding girlfriends, but i would have given them more than everything they wanted, more than they knew they wanted; i would have given them things they deserved just for being the wonderful people they are. i would have taken them to expensive resturaunts. i would have taken them to soirees, and "functions," and "fund raisers." i would have taken them to new york, and to europe, and to my cabin on the lake in canada, and to the beach house in key west. i would have taken them to france on their birthday, to italy for christmas. i would show them off draped in all of the fine things i bought them. the truth of it is, even if i never did those things, it would still take money to do the normal things, the sweet things...the nice guy things. coffee, dinner, drinks, dancing, movies, flowers, gifts....my girlfriends didn't deserve to miss out on those kinds of things, and maybe if i could have afforded to pay more attention to that stuff....things might have been better, easier. i could feel like man who can take care of his woman rather than a boy being taken care of by an indescribably sweet and generous girl.

sure, money wouldn't have kept my relationships from imploding. it would not have been able to step in for my non-financial failures as a boyfriend. it would not be able to sustain the relationships that were fundamentally flawed. it would not even be able to make me treat them right.

but damn. it would have helped.

reasons not to have a girlfriend, #1
i have no money.